i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
