Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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