You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
