ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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