Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
