so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Someone came in the potted fern
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
