at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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