I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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