We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
