Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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