Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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