you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
