Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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