tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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