So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
