my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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