Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
