he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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