dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
