i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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