Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want a musical about memes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
