Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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