You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
