around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
