I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
