Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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