My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
