I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
