I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
