New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
