I can text with my tongue
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
