my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
