I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
