somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
