Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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