Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
