Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize