I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
