Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
