i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
