Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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