Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
