I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
