I just pynch a tree in the face
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
