my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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