Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
