The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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