how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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