your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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