There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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