It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're breaking my sexual little heart
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
