At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
