what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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